Thank you so very very much from the bottom of my heart for providing so much of the soundtrack of my life.
You will truly be missed.
And on your final resting day, I wish you peace and love eternal.
- S.
- Mood:
sad - Music:Harry Connick, Jr. - Honestly Now (Safety's just Danger...Out of Place) | Powered by Last.fm
Okay...
So you've read the book. You saw the movie. The TV show is da' bomb. Now you want to run out and find someone to discuss it with only to find...there is no one to talk to about it.
But Oh What Happy Modem! There are the internetz!
And it is good.
Casting out the net with the help of your favorite search engines and social networks you go seeking more information. New release dates, additional materials, and other fans...anything you can find. And then you find them. Fellow enthusiasts. Your peeps. Other members of the brood.
And it is good.
Like a long overdue reunion, you're excited to have found one another. FINALLY someone to talk to, gush to, squee with, bounce theories off of and the like. They understand you and you understand them. They actually "get" the obscure references and life is FUN again. Fandoms are toys for the mind.
But before you know it, friction flares up. You're disagreeing over character motivation, story arcs, dialogue interpretations, psychological analyses, and future events. You find yourself debating the viability of relationships and the subtle nuances of fictitious scenes/conversations with the tenacity of a person defending a PhD dissertation complete with quotes, references, and support documention. You may even feel the urge to tell the writers themselves that they "got it wrong" because they don't understand their own characters!
Words and acronyms fly around like nobody's business. Canon, OTP, OOC, fanon, fanfic, IIRC, etc. To the occassional observer it can resemble a food fight in a cafeteria full of special ed students. Clearly these people have lost touch with reality. They talk about these things as if they were REAL. And the passion and emotion is so intense. Folks get mad. Feelings get hurt.
And then it's not so good.
The thing is, I'm sure some folks do start to take the content a little too seriously, but I think that many times it's more about arguing a point and winning the debate moreso that actually lacking the ability to separate fantasy from reality. 3 years ago, I had no idea what a "fandom" even was. Now thanks to my friendship with a Big Name Fan, I know all too well just how batshit nuts it can get. I've observed quite a bit and even fell prey to my own slice of wank once or twice (though nothing major).
I guess what I find interesting weird is how personal it can get. It's almost as if even though the characters live in a fictional world, they are nonetheless worthy of protection, and fans will gladly rise to the challenge even if it's only fight against those who resemble themselves. The emotional investment can reach frightening levels. Even so, at least in my case, I think it becomes less about the characters and stories, but more about our own egos. It's about how we want things to be. I am right...you are wrong. Bend to my POV or prepare to die!!!
I don't really have any keen observations about this to tell the absolute truth. I guess I just wanted to acknowledge to myself and any of the folks on my flist who may have gotten into an online verbal smackdown contest over something that has left you shaking your head at the intensity of your own nerd fury....
...don't worry, I know you're probably not crazy fer reals.
Fandom can indeed make you blackout every now and again.
- Mood:
creative - Music:"I've Got to Use My Imagination" - Gladys Knight and the Pips
Leave her alone they said
Separated by fools
Who don't know what love is yet
It's clear from the opening lines that this song can go someplace creepy way fast.
Recorded in 1980, "Into the Night" has the distinction of making the Billboard Top 20 twice...once in 1980 and again in 1989. Most of you are probably too young to remember this song when it was a "radio hit." I myself only really know it as an adult contemporary standard and until recently never really paid much attention to the lyrics, which is a shame because the emotion of the song is compelling.
I found this fan video on youtube for "Into the Night." It is appropriately 80s inspired and I can totally see it as the "official" video for the song.
ETA: Thanks for the recs! The iPod is stocked with all kinds of new goodies.
- Mood:
mellow - Music:"Into the Night" - Benny Mardones
For many reasons, last holiday season should have been tough on me, but it wasn't really. This year was a beast. The dread started in October and has not let up since. Anyone who has been paying the slightest attention to some of my recents posts can bear witness to it.
I survived Christmas, but a close family member did not. The closest I had to a grandfather on my mom's side passed away Christmas morning.
So yeah.
I'm still emotionally limping along. Trying to get to January 1. Hoping for a reprieve.
Just...yeah.
Note for the sake of making a note: It sucks to have a sixth sense or subconscious barometer or whatever and have no idea how to read or wield it...not that it would matter in this case. ::sigh::
- Mood: gloomy
- Music:"A Broken Heart Can Mend" - Alexander O'Neal
Now that I'm older, I'm sad to say that a lot of what I used to believe in has been placed up on a high shelf covered in figurative dust. I know it's there, but I haven't really examined it in a while and thus have forgotten some of what was there. I also avoid thinking about those things because I'm afraid that to be reminded will be too painful. For that, I feel a sense of loss.
For my entire life I've felt as if I am special. Like I have some secret pact with God and I'm just biding my time until...something (I don't know what) happens. I've always felt that I'm a little more tuned in to the spiritual, though the strength of that connection spikes and diminishes all the time. My dreams have always been vivid...ever since childhood and in them I visit places that are very familiar to me yet I know I've never been there in this life. I feel as though messages are being passed to me all the time. Sometimes I hear better than others.
People scare me...the unexplainable does not.
But lately I feel like life is really taking me through the ringer, though nothing catastrophic has happened. The so called "tragedies" in my life tend to play out in the same way Chinese water torture is executed...one drop at a time and at random intervals, with some drops bigger than others. And for things that do not directly affect me, people in this world do their best to yank the last bit of faith in humanity that I may manage to hold on to.
Yet still I believe. There is something more.
I have no choice. It is what I am and it is as much a part of me as the blood that runs through me. For me not to believe would be the same as chosing not to live. I am eager to learn the answer to the riddle.
I believe that there is an arc that ties this thing and us all together.
There is more than what we perceive.
This, I believe.
Inspired by recent posts by
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ladiej and superhappytimeETA: Another message via snail mail
- Mood:
pensive
...and now they are talking about possibly ending it?
At least that's been the word on the internetz for the past few hours or so.
Lemme get this straight:
The Lifetime Channel (Yes, I did say Lifetime...of "Golden Girls" and battered women movies fame) finally has a top show..an original series no less. It's about a sexy vampire, a sexy kick-ass private investigator (finally someone not being all victimized), and a sexy detective...waaay better than that broody "Moonlight" crap on CBS as far as I can tell...their ratings have been climbing by double digits in recent months in the non-geriatric 18-34 age range...it fits right in as a signature paranormal show which is all the rage on television these days...AND YOU DON'T WANNA RENEW THE DAMN THING??? They won't even show the final two episodes of the season on the air, but they expect people to either buy them from iTunes or view them online?
What kind of fuckery is this?
Are they smoking bad crack? Are they THAT hell bent on showing victimized women and psychic friends seances?
Let me also qualify this post by stating the following:
1. Contrary to what it may seem like as of late, I am not a TV junkie. I do not normally get obsessively addicted to TV shows, at least not to the point where I'm counting down the days until the next episode.
2. I normally avoid the Lifetime Channel like the Plague wrapped in an STD.
3. Paranormal shows have only recently popped up on my radar. I watch "Blood Ties" and "Heroes."
4. I saw my first episode of this show earlier this month. I've watched all 19 episodes since then (but I can't find time to clean my house...heh).
5. This show has made me its bitch.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think this show was feeding subliminal messages to me and the masses. It would explain the shitstorm that has erupted over at the Lifetime website over the news of them possibly dropping the show. I can't imagine they have experienced that phenomenon before. It's weird. Perhaps "The Kids" would react the same way if "The Golden Girls" weren't on for 6 hours everyday. I don't know.
I didn't sleep well last night.
And I was in a foul mood all day.
I feel cheated.
Is it because of this show?
Maybe...
Possibly...
Probably
:-(
Sounds really stupid I know, but I feel as though I work hard and I'm entitled to my indulgences though they may be silly. It's been a REALLY crappy month, so I've found myself latching on to ANYTHING that will take my mind off of the steady stream of mierda that I've been dealing with. "Blood Ties" fit the bill, and no one is more shocked by that than me.
So anyways. I've emailed the network and spoke my peace. But right now I feel like someone gave me a really cool present and then took it away.
That is all. Now I'm going to see if this week's "Ugly Betty" is a rerun.
</emo>
- Mood: crushed
- Music:"I'm Going Out of My Head" - Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66
Man Jumps to Death Onto Lodge Freeway
I did not expect to see that on the way home from the dentist this afternoon. I thought he had either tried to cross the freeway on foot, or was possibly thrown from the car.
A reverse commute, easy sailing. I was going to make it to class early for once, even though it was raining a little bit. Then things started backing up at the Livernois exit. I started to get off and take Woodward down. People were even backing up and going the wrong way up the ramp to get out of the backup, but the thought of doing that just scared me. I just decided to get off at Linwood.
But I was really close to my exit. Just a couple of miles more. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.
I finally got to the Linwood exit, but the ambulance came through and I could see the traffic up ahead moving beyond the accident. Probably a fender bender because of the slick road.
I followed the snake of cars.
Then I saw a shirt. And a little bit further up, a tied shoe lying in the road.
Huh?
A stopped red SUV.
And then I saw him. His body was mostly covered, but his arms and feet showed from under the black tarp covering him.
Why did they not divert the traffic?
Why did I have to see that?
I'm so sorry for him. Bless him God.
I cried the whole way to class.
- Mood: sad
Almost like it gives me permission to do absolutely nothing...
...and not feel guilty about it.
- Location:kitchen
- Mood:
lazy - Music:rain falling
But that would be neither productive nor graceful, not that it wouldn't feel good if only for a moment.
No, I shall take this time and work on myself. Re-evaluate my life and decide in which direction I must go.
This is so hard. Crying seems useless and inadequate based on the multitude of emotions I am experiencing.
I am humbled and crushed. I feel used and foolish.
But I will go on. It will get better.
- Mood: melancholy
And it's nothing new. People dying needlessly, kids suffering at the hands of negligent adults, natural disasters, and man-made hate. These things have existed since the beginning of time and most of the time we manage to cope with the notion that we are blessed to see another day. Some days it just isn't enough.
And more than anything the racial strife of the world is really starting to weigh ever so heavy on my head and my heart as the days go by. I'm really having a hard time comprehending this world.
I've always found that to be a person of color was a beautiful thing. At the very least, no less beautiful than anything else I could have been. I guess lately I've encountered so many messages of hate and complete disregard that it is starting to effectively chip away at the core of me. I don't want anyone to accept me, just acknowledge me as an intelligent, thinking, feeling, person. To walk around knowing you belong to a group that is so absolutely hated by the world is a lot to carry around on a daily basis. To be black is not equal to ugly, delinquent, poor, stupid, ignorant, immoral, or any of the above. Why do so many hold this view of us?
Can someone please tell me what the children of Africa have done throughout the history of the world to prompt this relentless hatred? I honestly would like to know. In today's world, people of color are the poorest people on the earth. People have a tendency to hate poverty or at least the sight of it. Poverty leads to crime thus people feel it logical to assert that blacks/people of color are predisposed to criminal acts. Whatever. I'll have that argument another day.
I want to know what it is that we have done in the past that has gotten us such a bad rap. Are we so different than the rest of the peoples of the planet Earth? Looking back at not so recent history, many heinous acts have been committed upon people by all kinds of people. Who did we invade/persecute/enslave/murder/colonize?
This post lacks the substance I'd like it to contain, but I don't have it in me to put anything more into it. It's been a long month already and the news of the world is bringing me down. I do what I can to make this world a better place, but at the end of the day does anyone really care? Am I just wasting my time? Sometimes you just get tired of trying.
I don't know. Don't know if I have enough energy to care at this point.
Right now, I just want to wish myself away.
- Mood: depressed
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
I never fashioned myself as an outsider. A rebel of sorts. But the more I take an objective look at myself, the more I realize - I'm a "go against the grain" kinda girl.
( Me )
- Mood: good
( My Y2K )
- Mood: pensive
- Music:"Never Will I Marry" - Nancy Wilson
What is it about the sound of drums beating in unison that stirs the very soul of me? It's the same spiritual elevation that occurs when I hear the sound of a black gospel choir.
It is almost palpable.
Something primal, central, and intuitive.
No other sound on this planet stimulates my heart and mind in the same way.
I can't help but wonder. Could it be the ancestors of Africa speaking to me in an immortal tongue that I've long since forgotten? Translations lost forever, yet its presence insuppressible by virtue of my lineage? It is during these times that I feel closest to Mother Africa.
As a Black American, I think I can honestly say that most of us live our lives feeling very little connection to the land from which our ancestors departed all those centuries ago. Most of us can name more food dishes from China than from Africa. More Italian designers than African ones. More British bands, German cars…so forth and so on. Our average knowledge of African history is abysmal. Most of us couldn't correctly label the names and geographic locations of 5 countries in Africa if our lives depended upon it.
Sad, but true.
But those drums
And those voices lifted on high
And the resulting maelstrom of emotions
From what I can ascertain, they trigger feelings and sentiments unique to the African diaspora as evidenced in our shouts of joy, our cries from the memories of unspeakable misery, and that invisible force that tickles the spine and forces unconscious foot tapping, hip swaying, and head nodding in time.
Does the rest of the world understand that these actions are often involuntary and prompted by an unknown energy within?
At times dormant. At times arresting.
Embrace it or reject it, but it won't fade away.
I've decided that space and time may separate us, but there is something in us all that refuses to die. It refuses to relinquish the hold.
Those drums
And those voices
Evoke the spirit
It is the tie that binds.
- Mood: Connected
I wasn't a friend to her when she probably really needed one. And this I so regret.
I hope that she has found friendship and the self assurance that she so desperately sought and needed.
And I'd like to think that I am a better person now.
I IM'd her a while back and thanked her for being a wonderful person in spite of the way I and others treated her at times. I also told her how sorry I am for having been too immature and cowardly at the time to stick up for her and appreciate her kindness.
So now I am left to wonder as a strong believer in karma...
Who will reject me?
Has this debt already been paid?
- Mood: Regretful
For better or worse
I am what I am
Years have gone by and it took some time
But I like me
You can say what you want
To Hell with you
If you can't see
The glow inside of me
Yes, it has taken some time
But I like me
When you see me smile
To myself
And you stop to wonder why
Just know that I'm at peace
And my dreams are mine
It's not your damn business
Why I look to the sky
Yes, It has taken some time
But I like me
I am
I am!
I am me.
- Mood:
angry
So much music, so little room for CDs in the car.
So anyway, here's my question. When's the last time you LISTENED to your music?
( Read more... )
- Mood: pensive
- Music:"That's the Way It Goes" - Swing Out Sister
And some days I feel like shit.
Can you guess what kind of day I'm having today??
- Mood: annoyed
Singing softly
Singing boldly
Urging
Willing you to come to him…to be his, for now or forever?
What is it that stirs the soul of a woman, and makes her want to surrender herself?
To let go and fall, fall, fall
Into the swirling
Warm heat of love
Desire
And reckless submission?
When he tells you that you’re the one
He’s been waiting all his life
In his arms you’ll always belong
Every musical
Romantic
Sugary sweet sentiment you’ve ever heard
Spun a million ways
You’ve heard it all before
Why do we believe? We need to believe.
Hush
Don’t say a word
Let me love you
Smell you
Drink you
Take in everything you are
Let me absorb the affects that your presence brings to elements surrounding you
Let me give you all I have…everything that you need
And take you to within inches of the limit of mortal ecstasy
Now!
Illusions
Dreams
Fleeting moments
Don’t break the spell
Inevitable
Unsustainable
Pure Passion
- Mood:
enthralled
